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Paul Matadeen is known for saying the most interesting things at the weirdest times.  Krista Byers has been keeping track of such “Paulisms,” here are some of the classics…

And, yes, none of this is made up; these come straight from Paul’s mouth.

“Stupid in my language means ‘very smart.'”

“This tastes like an esophagus.” (He said this as he was chewing on rope lights in somebody’s room.)

“And then there was this two headed monster with glasses and he was like, ‘Blah blah blah.’ ”

“Lathrop hasn’t changed in all the years I’ve been here.” (he’s been there 2 years)

“Call the White House, and say ‘I’m da bomb,’ and emphasize ‘da bomb.’ ”

“When they gave me valium, the world became such a happy place.”

“Drew, I want you to beat me up. Seriously.”

“I didn’t like the way the authors wrote this book. They made everything way too vague.” (Telling this to his journalism professor, and co-author of the textbook…the very first day of class. Way to get off on the wrong foot.)

“Did you know that slime tastes like Jello?”

“If Stephen King were to meet Drew, I bet he’d want to be just like Drew.”

“My feet smell like shoes…used shoes.”

“We can go off into the moonset.”

“You know what I think about that? I think about a big mushroom blowing up.”

“Do you want to take a picture of my toe? Let’s all get on the floor and take pictures of our feet. That would be incredible.”

“I’m very normal, during roommate time.”

“Are you a rat in a microwave? Would you sing ‘It’s getting hot in here’ and take off all your clothes?”

“You know what you can tell about James? Beware of the booty.”

Paul and Debbie talking about fortune cookies…
Debbie: “Man, I could eat fortune cookies all day.”
Paul: “That’s because you have funny eyes.”

“You smell like a woman.”

(Talking with Debbie about their favorite meat)
Paul: “No, you like pork.”
Debbie: “What?”
Paul: “Wait, I guess that’s stereotyping.”
Debbie: “What are you talking about?”
Paul: “You know, pork…fried rice.”
Debbie: “Paul, there’s chicken fried rice, too.”

“I’m sorry for being alive.”

“I always wanted to marry Ms. Piggy.”

“I will eat your mother…oh, wait, I like your mother.”

“You’re a part of me, Beth….Well, it’s not like you’re my child or anything.”

“I’m thinking of starting a nudist colony in Columbia.”

“Is it like China, where there are a lot of Asians riding their little bikes?”

“Were you ever a shepherd in a Christmas play? No, well, you should be.”

(Talking about Cher) “That woman is like 50, and she’s still attractive to me.”

“Did you know you don’t have to steer a train?”

“You’re a Krista. You’re comfortable.”

“I’ve dreamed that you were in a pumpkin, screaming.”

“I had this dream that I was going to the bathroom, in the bathroom, and I looked up and saw a camera taping me and everybody else who used the bathroom. I traced it back to my neighbor’s room. When I asked them why they were taping everybody, they said they were making sure nobody steals anything…from the bathroom.”

“I think Jesus would have keyed a car.”

“You are always serious, don’t you know how to have fun?”

“You look like a wet dog.”

“You are very coarse, like sandpaper.”

“I don’t think you’re human.”

“You look nice today. What happened?”

“You know, when I first met you, I thought you were very scary.”