Tags

, ,

James Peppers: “I feel manhandled. Well, womanhandled.”

Brie Lafoon to Kelly Coffey: “You think Donald Trump is hot?”

Jessica Stanko: “I look like a drowned rat.”
James Peppers: “You don’t look drowned.”

Brie Lafoon: “We’re gonna go make some mischief.”

Kate Germain, to Val Rahing: “That’s so like you, Val. Not the murder, just the violence. It’s sweet.”

James Peppers, on his Away Message: “Season football tickets, front row at the 50 -$200… Halftime hotdog and coke – $7 … Being seen on national television with your shirt off – Priceless”

Paul Matadeen, looking at steak: “You know, a cow looks kind of like this in real life.”

Val Rahing: “Brie and I are trying to find a way to fit the phrase ‘pip, pip’ into daily conversation. But we are not sure what it means, so we are just trying it out at random points in conversations to figure out where it fits in.”

Meghann St. Clair: “Val, you look good with Bongos – I mean that in a platonic way.”

Paul, about Jessica Simpson: “She would be the ideal wife. Seriously, she’s so clueless, that I’d never ever feel like she was better than me in any way.”

Tim Pfeil: “I’ll take care of the cashier; you summon archers on the tower.”
James Peppers: “Archers?”
Tim Pfeil: “Yeah, archers. This is a war!”

Brie: “I’m gonna kick you in the pip-pipin’ face.”

Elisabeth McMenamy, playing Catch Phrase, looking for “husband”: “I’m a wife, so I have a…”
Matt M.: “Oven!”

James: “A good wife should be beautiful, but still be able to kick butt.”
Tim: “Yeah! Is that not the sexiest thing?”
James: “She should do it gracefully though. No one wants a girl who can’t kick butt and look good doing it.”

Liz, to Joe: “Not going to lie, though, you are the one I’m going to actually marry. Kate’s my pretend wife…you will be my real wife…oh wait…”

Liz Thorne: “He might be a woman, but he’s a hot woman.”

Val, about Christian Tae-Bo: “Jesus Christ is your savior. Kick ‘em in the junk!”

Liz: “I don’t know what it is about metered parking in Hitt… I get high from parking there.”

Val: “Or, you could just punch them in the throat.”

Hopkins, playing Catch Phrase, trying to describe “enema”: “It’s a one-celled organism.”

Brandon: “What’s brown and sticky? A stick.”

Paul Matadeen, to Liz Thorne: “You can change the oil in a car? You better not tell boys that because they might jump all over you.”

James: “I’ve seen plants like that at Wal-Mart. Except they were alive.”

Liz Thorne: “I just wanted you to know that I just spent five minutes trying to get a plastic spoon unwedged from the roof of my mouth.”

Maria L.: “Paul, you’re the Jamaican Sensation. You have to know what ‘parking’ is.”

Becky H., playing Catch Phrase, looking for “corset”: “A woman wears these when she wants to look thinner.”
Elisabeth: “Vertical stripes!”

Liz: “If people weren’t so annoying, I wouldn’t have to be tolerant.”

Ryan, about eating Crystal Light lemonade mix straight: “It’s like a Pixie Stick on crack.”

Liz Thorne: “And I said, ‘A walrus? I don’t have large tusks.'”

Paul: “So I bought some beetles and put them in the microwave.”

Brie Lafoon: “I like my Bibles cheap – like my men.”

Val Rahing: “Twinkle twinkle had a little lamb.”

Scott Butts: “You know how the shampoo bottle says to lather, rinse and repeat? Well, I repeated tonight! Now my hair is really soft!”

Kate, whilst trying to use a self-checker at Wal-Mart: “Make love to the white grape juice, baby.”

Val: “Beth, you have cheese stuck to your shirt.”

Elisabeth: “My name is Elisabeth and it’s a chip.”

Joe: “I love how you are complimenting me on my Christianity while I’m making comments about goat fellatio.”

Liz: “Well, I’ve never seen a palm tree, but I knew what one was.”

Brandon: “I can write a techno song. All I have to do is pick one good word—like God. And then just say it over and over. Godgodgodgod…”

Kelly Coffey: “Did you just say, ‘The heavens are your pterodactyl’?”

Val: “Shoot…I’ll be married. I’ll be as suggestive as I want.”

Kate: “Crack cocaine makes your blood stream thinner.”
Paul: “That’s good—no heart attacks.”

Ryan, Troy, Scott, and Paul (in the same tone of wonderment, at the same time): “Cashmere?”

Paul, while chewing on Jessica’s rope lights: “This tastes like esophagus.”

Liz: “Pretty sure I wore Velcro shoes the last time that was cool.”

Hopkins, playing Catch Phrase, trying to describe “quiche”: “It’s a fruit…”

Elisabeth McMenamy: “So I sold my soul…I’ll have a Beamer.”

Troy Harkin: “I feel like Lord of the Dance in this pose.”

Liz: “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the 70s.”

Liz Thorne: “Once my mom said I was zonked out. I like that word, zonked. I like my mom, too.”

Val Rahing: “Ryan, for the record, I would just like to state that when I said you were hot, I meant it in a purely platonic sense.”

Kate, as God: “Hormones… Not how I meant for you to use them, friend!”

Paul: “And there will be lots more of you to love, because you’re not dying.”

Kate Germain: “Yay! We have bisexual tables…Wait…”

Paul, on the road trip to Ohio, talking about driving under lack of sleep: “And then there was this two headed monster with glasses and he was like, ‘Blah blah blah.’”

Jeremy Trotter: “I admit, I have a little bit of a booty.”

Kate: “Does Utah have mountains?”
James: “It has salt. And Mormons.”

Val: “There’s not a pie in the world that’s bad pie. Well, cow pie, that’s not a good pie.”

Liz Thorne: “I do not giggle. ‘Giggling’ is not in my description.”
James: “Fine then, you hyper-hilaritate.”

Paul, to Gretchen: “If you weren’t weird, I wouldn’t want to know you.”

Val: “You wanna play spoons?”
Paul: “How do you spoon?”

James: “I’m like the Back to the Future Delorian—you can put anything in me and I’ll run.”

James: “What’s small, purple, and very dangerous? A grape with a machine gun.”

Kate: “My house is always available for camping. I think we’re going to try to do an all-Rock campout in the spring. It’ll be intense!”
Brie: “IN TENTS!! We’ll be IN TENTS!!!!”

Jen: “I want to be the leader of my communist country. But they said that kinda defeats the point.”

Paul Matadeen: “Do you want to take a picture of my toe? Let’s all get on the floor and take pictures of our feet. That would be incredible.”

Stevi: “If it’s solely dependent on the man, then we should all be hopeless.”

Gretchen, about Not Even a Hint by Joshua Harris: “I want to read his third one. What’s it called? Don’t Even Have a Clue?”

Elisabeth: “I can’t go through menopause! I haven’t been through pause yet!”

Val Rahing: “You know, I think they all think we’re lesbians.”

Paul: “Did I ever tell you that watching something download makes me need to pee?”

James: “They’re as anal as a colonoscopy.”

James: “I hate when my tongue gets all turned around and irritates my foot.”

Brie, about her arms after working out: “They’re like heavyweight noodles!”

Paul: “I think they put drugs in here. It’s the only way to explain why I like these so much. I mean, I’ll just randomly start thinking about them. Like now–I’m not even hungry, but I have to have WingZone.”

Liz: “A puke party! We could all come as a different color—like green, brown, orange. Then we could all get together for a picture and be puke!”

Stevi: “Oh, that felt good, but it smelled weird.”

Hoops: “Paul thinks he’s a woman.”
Paul: “Well, my grandmother thinks that.”

Ryan, about the ghetto party: “The sign on this place should say ‘Cracker Barrel.’”

Kate: “He’s so hot with his shirtsleeves rolled up, and I’m like, ‘Dude, you’re animated.’”

Kelly: “Did you just say, ‘The heavens are your pterodactyl’?”

Val Rahing: “I can’t read anything Jesus said.”

Liz: “Yeah, so most of my residents are more into worshipping the beer bong than learning about Christ.”

Stevi, about Tim’s future wife: “And she, like all of our friends, will have to be really special.”

Val, about Brandon and puns: “He was the mother-host.”

Liz: “What losers—we all have water. You’d think at least one of us would have gotten beer.”

Paul: “Ryan can cut my hair? How ‘bout not.”

James: “What makes a man hearty?”
Gretchen: “Wouldn’t you like to know?”

Paul, to Liz: “You can change the oil in a car? You better not tell boys that because they might jump all over you.”

Brian B.: “We are the coolest people we know.”

Paul: “Stupid in my language means ‘very smart.’

Liz: “I think I’ll name my firstborn child Grendel. Then I’ll name my second child Beowulf. Then after they kill each other… Or, I can name one Jacob and one Esau. Then I’ll see which I like better, and that will tell me how much of a Godly woman I am.”

Liz: “Deer are bouncy. Like when they bounce through fields.”

Trotter, talking about Beth, Elisabeth, Kate and Liz going clubbing: “I’ll go as your bodyguards as long as you condone every unchristian, unorthodox method I might use.”
Elisabeth: “On us?”

Paul Matadeen: “So I bought some beetles and put them in the microwave.”

Brandon, about Val dating Shawn: “I’m happy that you’re happy…poor Shawn.”

Troy Harkin: “I am so feminine tonight.”

Tony, about the Honors Community: “We tend to do well in RecSports because when you’re smarter than everyone else, you do better.”

Val Rahing: “Ryan, for the record, I would just like to state that when I said you were hot, I meant it in a purely platonic sense.”

Paul: “I used to run backwards a lot as a kid. But this one thing stopped it…I was running backwards, and there was a phone pole, and I didn’t see it…well, obviously.”

Liz, on a strangely theologically sound tirade during our discussion on gay marriage: “We don’t wash ourselves in Christ’s blood for a good time. It’s not like, ‘Hey, thanks for dying for me–I’m accepted!’ It’s ‘go and sin no more.’ Jesus didn’t die on the cross so we could feel good about ourselves.”

Debbie: “I like to use toilets where my feet can’t touch the ground.”

James Peppers: “I hate when my tongue gets all turned around and irritates my foot.”

Maria Licher: “Could you pass the jelly beans?”
Val Rahing: ”Shut up!”

Kate Germain: “They were kissing… and we could hear them. It was gross.”

James, after losing the kU football game: “About the kU game, I just want to go on record and say that, in light of the effort our football team gave today, I’m glad that they lost. Serves them right. Maybe now they’ll act like a football team that wants to win, instead of whining about how they’re not getting their way. Bunch of pansies. They act like a bunch of bipolar sorority girls.”

Advertisements