Fathomless your endless mercy, weight I could not lift.

Where do I fit in this puzzle, what good are these gifts?

Not a martyr, or a saint, scarcely can I struggle through.

All that I have ever wanted was to give my best to you.

Lord, search my heart, create in me something clean.

Dandelions; you see flowers in these weeds.”

– “Dandelions” by Five Iron Frenzy


Do you ever watch things on the news (like the hurricane aftermath) and wish that you could just pack up and go help?  Do you ever see news of epidemics or famines in other countries and desire to sell all your posessions so you could send money?  Do you ever lie awake at night so thankful for being comfortable, yet with a strange desire to sleep on the floor in order to give someone else a bed?  Do you ever look around at your posessions and feel overwhelmingly materialistic?  Do you ever think of the $8 you spent on a movie or dinner & think of what life-saving or life-improving thing it might have bought for someone in dire circumstances?  Do you look at people as you pass them every day and wonder what needs (spiritual, material, emotional, whatever) in their life aren’t being met, and what you might be able to do to meet them?  Do these kinds of things ever plague your brain & make you feel itchy? 


Cuz it happens to me a lot.  My mom has always said something to the effect that I’m over-empathetic.  I feel people’s pain & want to make it better.  I don’t know if it’s something that’s wrong with me.  Or maybe it’s a gift.  But the thing is that I never feel capable of acting on these feelings.  I always find some barrier, or some rationale for not doing anything.  Like… “you can’t sent $200 to {insert charity} you have to pay your rent.”  And hones
tly, I don’t even always do my 10% tithe every month.


But, really, more than giving money, I have a strong desire to personally do something to help.  But I’m one very small, usually poor, usually busy and not very talented person.  I said to someone that I wanted to drive down to the Gulf Coast and help out, and they said “what would you do there?”  I didn’t really have a good answer.  And they pointed out that all my money would be spent by the time I paid for gas to get there, and then I’d just be another helpless individual in the middle of the chaos.  But that didn’t make my desire go away.  It just made me feel dumb for being so naive as to think I could contribute. 


Where do I fit in this puzzle????