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Ten Reasons Why Relationship Difficulties Linger

• Some people want to avoid the difficult feelings that could arise in a confrontation

• Some people take comfort in their difficulties. By complaining to others about the problem, they get sympathy

• Not resolving the difficulty is a way of punishing the other person

• Discord and disharmony may be preferable to no relationship at all

• Refusing to reconcile is a way to keep the relationship on it’s own terms and remain in control

• For some people, negative feelings are so familiar that they hold on to anger and shame just to feel alive

• Some people feel that they deserve to suffer and be unhappy

• Not reconciling allows some people to feel superior. The person wronged gets to feel righteous while the perpetrator is seen as the villain

• Some people are too proud to reconcile. Reconciling might require them to admit that they have also contributed to the difficulty

• Some people see no hope in reconciling

–   Adapted from Fight Fair by Tim and Joy Downs

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