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 • Some people want to avoid the difficult feelings that could arise in a confrontation
 • Some people take comfort in their difficulties. By complaining to others about the problem, they get sympathy
 • Not resolving the difficulty is a way of punishing the other person
 • Discord and disharmony may be preferable to no relationship at all
 • Refusing to reconcile is a way to keep the relationship on it’s own terms and remain in control
 • For some people, negative feelings are so familiar that they hold on to anger and shame just to feel alive
 • Some people feel that they deserve to suffer and be unhappy
 • Not reconciling allows some people to feel superior. The person wronged gets to feel righteous while the perpetrator is seen as the villain
 • Some people are too proud to reconcile. Reconciling might require them to admit that they have also contributed to the difficulty
 • Some people see no hope in reconciling

–   Adapted from Fight Fair by Tim and Joy Downs