Some great moments from the 2005 series, featuring the Ninth Doctor, played by Chris Eccleston, Rose Tyler, played by Billie Piper, Mickey Smith, played by Noel Clarke, and Captain Jack Harkness, played by John Barrowman.
The Doctor: [About the Tardis] The assembled hordes of Genghis Khan couldn’t get through those doors, and believe me, they’ve tried!
Rose: Hold on, if you’re an alien, why do you sound like you’re from the North?
The Doctor: Lots of planets have a North!
Master of Ceremonies: But how did you get in? This is a maximum hospitality zone! The guests will be arriving any minute!
The Doctor: Oh, that’s me, I’m a guest. [He holds up psychic paper] See, there’s my invitation, “The Doctor, +1” This is Rose Tyler, she’s my plus one. Is that all right?
The Doctor: [opening Rose’s phone] Tell you what. With a bit of jiggery pokery—
Rose: Is that a technical term, “jiggery pokery”?
The Doctor: Yeah, I got a first in jiggery pokery, what about you?
Rose: [playing along] Nah, I failed hullabaloo.
Dickens: This is the sort of mummery I strive to unmask. Séances? Nothing but luminous tambourines and a squeeze box concealed between the knees. This girl knows nothing!
The Doctor: Now don’t antagonize her. I love a happy medium!
Rose: I can’t believe you just said that.
The Doctor: I saw the Fall of Troy! World War Five! I was pushing boxes at the Boston Tea Party! Now I’m gonna die in a dungeon…. [disgustedly] in Cardiff!
Rose: She slapped you.
The Doctor: Nine hundred years of time and space, and I’ve never been slapped by someone’s mother.
Rose: Your face…
The Doctor: It hurt!
Rose:You’re so gay! [pause] When you say 900 years…
The Doctor: That’s my age.
Rose: You’re 900 years old?
The Doctor: Yep.
Rose: My mother was right, that is one hell of an age gap.
The Doctor: Mauve Alert!
Rose: What’s that?
The Doctor: Intergalactic Distress Signal.
Rose: Should that be a red alert?
The Doctor: That’s just humans. By everyone else’s standards, red’s camp. Oh, the misunderstandings—all those Red Alerts, all that dancing.
Capt. Jack Harkness: Could you switch off your cell phone? No, seriously, it interferes with my instruments.
Rose: [as she turns it off] You know, no one ever believes that.
The Doctor: Funny little human brains. How do you get around in those things?
Rose: [To Jack] When he’s stressed he likes to insult species.
The Doctor: Rose, I’m thinking.
Rose: Cuts himself shaving – does half an hour on life forms he’s cleverer than.
Jack Harkness: [pointing his squareness gun at the empty people] Okay, this can function as a sonic blaster, a sonic cannon, and a triple-enfolded sonic disruptor. Doc, what you got?
The Doctor: A sonic… er… oh, never mind.
Jack Harkness: What?
The Doctor: It’s sonic, okay? Let’s leave it at that.
Jack Harkness: Disruptor? Cannon? What?
The Doctor: It’s sonic! Totally sonic! I am sonic-ed up!
Jack Harkness: A sonic what?!
The Doctor: Screwdriver!
Jack Harkness: Who has a sonic screwdriver?
The Doctor: I do!
Jack Harkness: Who looks at a screwdriver and thinks “Ooh, this could be a little more sonic”?
The Doctor: What, you’ve never been bored? Never had a long night? Never had a lot of cabinets to put up?
Capt. Jack Harkness: Damn it! It’s the special features, they really drain the battery.
Rose: The battery? So lame!
Jack: I was going to send for another one but somebody has got to blow up the factory!
Rose: Oh, I know. First day I met him, he blew my job up. That’s practically how he communicates.
[The Doctor, Rose, Jack and Mickey have just exited the TARDIS]
Mickey: That old lady’s staring.
Jack : [Suggestively to Doctor] Probably wondering what four people were doing in a small box.
Mickey: [Disdainful look at Jack] What are you captain of? The Innuendo Squad?
Margaret Blaine: We’re in Cardiff. London doesn’t care, the south-west coast could fall into the sea and they wouldn’t notice… [catches herself] Oh, I sound like a Welshman. God help me, I’ve gone native.
The Doctor: [upon realising he is about to regenerate] Rose Tyler. I was going to take you to so many places. Barcelona! Not the city Barcelona, the planet Barcelona. You’d love it, fantastic place! They’ve got dogs with no noses! [Laughs] Imagine how many times a day you end up telling that joke and it’s still funny!