I don’t really go into a lot of personal stuff on my blog anymore. Or online in general. I’m not a “sharer.” I like to blog, tweet and post things I find interesting or entertaining. Things I think other people should know about. But I don’t say much about ME. Except maybe what I’m having for lunch, LOL.
So forgive me if I have a little rant about something that stresses me out from time to time. If you just came here looking for random linkages and entertaining content, I apologize. Come again tomorrow 🙂
A big part of my job is to be cheerful. Seriously. I’m paid to act like I’m in a good mood. I have to answer phones and greet people as if I’m having the best day ever. Regardless of how I’m actally feeling.
Most of the time I just fall into it without thinking. Like an actor who has been playing a role so long he doesn’t have to think about getting into character. Other times it’s the hardest thing I have to do all day. But I don’t ponder it much. It has to be done, so I do it.
Occaisionally, though, someone will bring attention to it. Like when someone on the phone says “You’re so cheerful for eight in the morning!” Or “You’re always in such a good mood!” And sometimes, when those comments are made, I cringe internally. Because I know what a misperception it is.
Sometimes it’s an outright lie.
Now, to be sure, I know I have a lot to be thankful for. And being aware of my blessings is a big motivator to stay positive. I regularly pray for more patience, more joy, more awareness of God in my life in order to keep my attitude right.
But there’s also the reality that sometimes life is tough. And it seems like there’s no room in my work life for that reality. Sometimes that feels stifling. I sometimes feel claustrophobic inside my mask of cheerfulness.
When my physical challenges leave me in pain all day, and keep me from sleeping at night. When the hopes deferred and dreams unrealized weigh on my spirit. When my feelings are bruised or crushed by people around me. When I feel like the pace of life is going to leave me “bonked” on the roadside. When my old enemy, feelings of inadequacy, is battering me relentlessly. When my negative self-image tapes are playing on repeat at level 10.
At those times, the mask feels smothering.
But the mask is required nine hours a day. So I wear it.
P.S. Geek points to anyone who can identify where the post title came from.